15 Things You Really Need For A Baby

No, you don't need this.

I have a few friends that are expecting and as I was checking out the latest in baby gear, it dawned on me how much has changed in just a year! My tiny human didn’t have  a quarter of the junk they recommend you buy. (And really he turned out fine except for that tail…) Anyway, I saw one baby registry check list had 113 suggested items. 113! So I went over my baby gear and here are my top 15 – “you better have this stuff when the kid comes home” list. The rest is just frosting on the cupcake.

 

1. Carseat – Duh. But save yourself some money and buy one that will have baby rear facing longer like this one. http://www.britaxusa.com/car-seats/marathon-70
2. Bath/Utility Seat – Forget the Bumbo chair, this is the best seat. Bath, pool, bottle feeding time – it does it all. http://www.amazon.com/PRI-Infant-Bath-Seat-White/dp/B000BXJZDY/ref=sr_1_5?s=baby-products&ie=UTF8&qid=1321299906&sr=1-5
3. Crib – No drop down sides but this one switches from a crib to a toddler bed. http://www.amazon.com/DaVinci-Emily-Convertible-Baby-Cherry/dp/B000FT7NXS
4. Stroller – OK, start the debate. This is what you need, 1 collapsable jobbing stroller.It’s all in the roll baby.  Yes, Bob’s are the best but check your local consignment store. http://joggingstroller.com/category/brands/bob/
5. Changing Area – Contoured Changing Pad – Eliminates wiggling off the changing table. And a Diaper Genie.
6. 1-2 Halo Swaddle Sacks – No blankets, no problem.
7. Clothing 5-10 button onesies (short or long sleeved depending on season – solid colors) soft leggings/pants, or jeans, 1-2 solid colored hoodies. 1 or 2 special outfits worn for photos only. Socks. Does the baby need shoes? No but grab 1 solid black pair for photos.  *Always check kid consignment stores for shoes, babies grow out of them so fast, you’ll often find new shoes for 50-60% off.
8. 1 blanket that can be used in car or stroller, 1 blanket that can be used in crib if you need it.
9. Cool bibs – Your kid will be a drooling all star, have them in a bib to save your cute clothing and their skin from rashes. I am a fan of these – http://www.etsy.com/shop/Alliecraft?section_id=5511528 (You’ll find Carter brand lasts longer and for some reason, Target brand stains easier.) Once baby starts solid foods you’ll want SugarBooger bibs.
10. Mirrors, family photos, books like Brown Bear, Brown Bear / moo,baa,la la la / Goodnight Moon / Go Dog Go / (These have nothing commercial about them and babies need fun stuff to read.) 1. Place mirrors above the changing table. Our tiny human still plays with “the baby in the ceiling”. No mobiles above baby’s crib – a bed is a place for sleeping not playing.
11. Nursing Set Up – Get a real chair, not a “nursing chair” that you will hate to sit in.
12. Sophie The Giraffe – Sophie is an expensive chew toy that baby will unfortunately love, she is also safe for the crib. *She squeaks so the dog may love it watch out.
13. White noise stereo set up. How will baby drift off? We use the sounds of ocean waves on an Ipod.
14. VICKS Thermometer, Safety First Nail Clippers (these are the best), Infant Tylenol,  – Other than wipes and diapers, you should have these stocked in your changing table.
15. Baby Swing – This is the one item you should encourage a group to purchase for you. Baby can use this until 1 or so, great for naps and incline sleeping with colds.

Maury Povich – LIVE! at Breakfast

I used to think that everyone on Maury or Springer was fake. You know, all actors awaiting the paternity test results, then I went to breakfast this morning. As we sat and joked around about current events, the table next to us got LOUD. They were so LOUD we couldn’t help but overhear the discussion. Here is a transcript, *names have been changed.

Girl 1: Bla, Bla, Bla – So, what is she going to do?

Girl 2: She’s going to have to tell people she married her ex-husbands brother like I did.

Guy: But he’s cool. He was married to *Jamie, you know the girl who made jewelry out of bird claws? She cheated on him with *Emily, now they are adopting some kid from *Mexico.

Girl 1: Oh really? Doesn’t she have 2 kids in Life camp.

Guy : No, that’s her sister.

Girl 2: Wait, what’s Life Camp?

Girl 1: I thought that was *Emily! Well, I guess the kids are both really BIG slobs so she sent them to this FAT camp, she wanted them to loose weight by the time they took their Christmas photos.

Girl 2: I should send my kid there!

Girl 1: Oh, what time is it?

Guy: Almost 11, what time are we supposed to be back at the courthouse?

Girl 2: The social worker said 11:30…

Not even kidding. PS – Maury has invited Justin Bieber to come on the show and see if he is, in fact, the baby’s daddy. No doubt the Bieber camp will jump at this prestigious opportunity.

A Twilight Prayer

The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn – Part 1 hits theaters on November 18th so I thought it was only appropriate to say a little prayer.

Oh Hollywood deities, please don’t let this movie fall apart like the rest. 

Please show mercy on the true Twilight fans who hold the book series dear to our hearts, we only want simple things. Like for you to look down upon the movie set and use your powers of divine intervention to eliminate cheese ball dialogue like,”You’d better hold tight spider monkey.” 

And please, make Bella stop whining while she speaks, we get it – she’s supposed to be a teenager. But teenagers don’t whine while ordering a pizza. 

And while you’re at it, if it’s not too much to ask, forget catering to the teenagers moral compass. This movie is supposed to be about sex and violence and revenge. While those are evils in the world, we’ve played along with your “but young fans like Twilight too” in the past. I get it, the older fans have the money but we don’t buy Twilight perfume. But now it’s time for the movie to really reflect the book. Consider it a teachable moment. 

And if I could request one more little thing, please eliminate all of Taylor Lautner’s shirt wardrobe.

Amen.  

 

 

Really Jessica? You’re Not ?

Jessica Simpson is expecting. Don’t lie, you remember her, you have a pair of her shoes. Anyway, she is probably 5/6 months along and isn’t telling anyone she’s pregnant. [She knows that majority America isn't blind right?] But Jessica is denying it. What happened here? Did Jessica accept a baby buyout from Jay Z or Beyonce. And at this point, not telling the truth is odd. OK, I get hiding it for the first 3 months but when you get to month 6, honey, we all know it’s not just Taco Bell Bloat. While Jessica keeps praying for a baby magazine cover, I have compiled a few suggestions on the type of outfits she shouldn’t wear if she wants to keep this baby a secret.

Latex Dresses – no honey.

Also, I don’t think any NFL cheer outfit will workout for you - especially this one.

And if the baby secret is a really big deal, don’t take clothing advice from Lady Gaga.

 

I Heart [Things Candy Loves]

OK, one thing that I love (and feel free to call me a total GEEK here) is playing the “NAME THAT FAMOUS VOICE GAME”. Totally lame, I know. Here’s a little quiz.

1. He has been out running from the Sheriff Burford so long he needs some orange juice.

2. Royal Tenenbaum apparently has some royal home improvement projects, who is it and what do they sell? 

3. Apparently, Carrie’s ex needs a lot of spinach & artichoke dip in his neighborhood. 

—

1. Burt Reynolds = Minute Maid

2. Gene Hackman = Lowes

3. John Corbett = AppleBees

Here are some other fun ones: Jon Cryer for Wells Fargo, David Duchovny for Pedigree Dog Food, Keifer Sutherland for Apple…This site has a pretty good list.

I Heart [Things Candy Loves] – Strange Diet Tips!

Let’s call this my strange diet tip post. I love weird diet tips! Good Lord, we’ve heard them all haven’t we? Only eat things that are pink, eat an apple at every meal, never eat past 1pm….Terrible advice, now pass me that Cayenne Pepper I need it for my master cleanse. Yes, we’ve all tried strange things to lose weight, here’s some new ones that are not so dumb.

• Snack with your other hand - People who snacked using their non-dominant hands reduced about 30% of their total intake.
• Beat The Freshman 15 - Researchers say college Freshman don’t gain 15 pounds, they only gain 3 in their first year away from mom & dad. Now we know why. No, it’s not endless Beer Pong/Ramen. Apparently, they skip protein at meals.
• Pig Mom = Baby Piglets - It’s true, you are what you eat. [Right now, I'm an Egg & Cheese McMuffin.] But, when you are expecting ladies, watch your diet carefully. That whole, “I’m eating for two” isn’t real! A new study shows if mom eats fatty foods, it actually programs the baby to be fatter. I really wish I was able to keep my pregnancy diet going, I went from only chicken & fish to strict lacto-ovo vegetarianism (no meat at all only milk,eggs,veggies). It was great. Read It.
• Potatoes are evil - Harvard just finished a study that says potato products account for the most weight gain over time. Seriously. I am sure the spud commission says otherwise. Read It.